- Avoid puddles at all cost. Puddles are the number one cause of pneumonia and pneumonia is the number one cause of death
- Don’t use the stairs. These are built to kill and are especially dangerous if you are given over to fainting spells or have a breakable neck.
- Always turn down the gas. If you are going to live your life with an explosion waiting to happen, it’s best to not forget about it.
- Wear a carriage crash helmet. Though not legally required, doing this statistically reduces the chance of injury, as does the absence of horses.
- Locate the grave of your intended’s previous spouse. This will help to ensure a happy marriage. Also, if you meet a nice gentleman, check his basement to see if he keeps a crazy wife. Just saying.
- Be wanted so that you can be rich. It is a well known fact that a single woman can be economically benefited by marrying a man in possession of a fortune. To obtain one, you can either be really smart (a.k.a. intellectual) or virtuous.
- Last but not least, ensure the death of your parents at an early age. Let’s face it, orphans are the best! This is the way to become rich if you’re a child unlike number 6. Often times a rich philanthropist will pick you up (usually really your grandpa or the king).